Compassion or How to Appreciate Your Mate

It's Saturday morning as I write this, and I am already tired. 

Kim is healing. She's still at 4 liters of oxygen, and weak as a result of it. So of course she can't do the things she normally does – cleaning, dusting, even keeping the laundry up when I don't.

That's been our lives for the last month or two. I wake up during the week at 5:45, get cleaned up most mornings, and make coffee while getting my PC signed in for work.

But I am now doing most everything. I clean most days (somewhat), do the dishes, keep the pets happy (liter, food, water), cook , and do laundry.

Right about now, I could complain, feel sorry for myself, and whine a lot. But when we said our vows, we repeated the phrase, "...for better, for worse, in sickness and in health."

That's the key to staying happy. Remember that when I had both knees replaced, she did my daily chores. She climbed stairs with the laundry baskets. She made meals for our family. She made certain that things were presentable for us, friends & family.

The same occurred when I had my three neck surgeries. Each subsequent visit, I was made better, but she has been a bit weaker.

I'm not writing this to brag or to create sympathy. It's more to allow someone see that if you are struggling with chores, feeling like the battle is your's alone, remember that when you weren't feeling 100%, there was likely someone who picked up the slack for you.

Appreciate the little things. Take time to say, “Thanks.” 

You may not have that opportunity to always say it. 

 . In. C

It's going on 33 years and I don't think I could ever say how much I have been grateful.

There Is A Tomorrow

George Bailey experienced problems. He fell in a pond, and lost his hearing in one ear. His father died as he was prepared to leave town, putting George in charge of the Building & Loan. His brother, Harry, went away and again, George was left to fend for his family. Finally, his Uncle lost a vital deposit, and the business was in danger of being closed, sending George to jail, and putting his family through shame and bankruptcy, when all would have been lost. 

At this point, he said it would be better to never have lived. Sometimes we feel that things are just too unbearable. We need to sit back when these times come up. and realize that no matter how bad things may seem, we have a place. There is a plan for our life. 

Call it providence, fate, or God. We don't know the impact that we have made on others over the course of our life's experiences. We may be responsible for saving a life, even inadvertently; we could have, with one kind word, made a difference in another's life, causing a promotion, a positive relationship, or just brightened another's day. 

No matter how bad things seem, look for your Clarence. Realize that you can have a positive impact with just a simple word. Don't give up. Press on. If you need that kind word, or friendly moment, I'm here. 

Tonight, as I'm watching Its A Wonderful Life, my prayers go out to all who have doubt, or fear. I've been in your place, and trust me, there is a tomorrow.

1:20-2020

1:20 AM, January 1st, as many were celebrating the New Year, my father, Louis, gave his last breathe. He was a resident at Robings Manor, and was well liked by staff and other residents.
There will be a  open coffin, graveside ceremony, Friday, January 3, 2020, at 11 AM. The ceremony will be at Sunset Hills Cemetery, in Glen Carbon.
My father was married once, to my mother, and helped raise 4 children, from birth. While he was not perfect, he provided for us. That union ended, again an imperfect one.
However, he was given another opportunity at love. Esther came with her own baggage, seeking the same, security, safety, and someone willing to love her and her brood.
It wasn't The Brady Bunch, at times more like Shootout at the OK Corral. April of 1978, 3 Lachner kids were joined with 3 Boyer kids thru marriage. Little did any of us know then that we would become family.
Through the years together we fought, sometimes with each other, sometimes for each other. Dad and Elaine were constants for us. They watched us grow, prompted us when needed, and provided a more harsh reminder at times, if I say so.
My stepmom passed September 11, 2015. From that moment, my father changed. His perspective, his very yearning was towards reuniting with his wife, in heaven.
Dad fought multiple battles over the next 4+ years. My sister, Tammy, and my brother in law, Scott, took great care of him after Elaine passed. She was his caretaker, nurse, cook, and overall #1 child.
When dad's health deteriorated to the point he couldn't take care of himself, and he became too much a burden for them, Tammy saw to it that he was placed where he would get adequate care. That place was Robings Manor, in Brighton.

Dad's dry and sarcastic humor soon won him a warm spot in the hearts of the staff. He became increasingly weaker over time, unable to walk without help, and eventually not capable of standing.
He had several increasingly frequent and severe stays in the hospital. His last was for pneumonia. However, while in there, he was diagnosed with gall stones. A further scan found a mass in his bladder. But, dad determined he didn't want to know. It was a matter of time, unbeknownst to us.
Tammy and I talked about dad's condition. He seemed to become more despondent, less interested in conversation, participating in any activities, and also lost his appetite.
I visited him New Year's Eve, sitting with him as he slept for nearly 2 hours. He woke 15-20 minutes before I left, and we spoke. Actually, I did most of the talking. Before I left, dad grabbed my hand and we sat for a few minutes. I told him I loved him, and planned to see him Wednesday. That came much too soon.

Dad has his wish, his biggest desire fulfilled. He is with Elaine. Friday his remains will be buried next to her. But I'm sure she greeted him, "Its about time".

Rest well, Dad.

Grateful for the Women in My Life

Thinking of the ladies in my life, this Mother's Day weekend.

First, my wife, Kim Lachner. She has always been strong for our family, paying bills, doing laundry, and being the best, even when she didn't feel that way. She is my helpmate, my other half, my rock when I am not, and the mother of my girls.


My girls are my life. Sarah Lachner is in Branson this weekend, as she has been the last 3 years, for band competition. She is a leader, when she doesn't realize it, 1st chair @ Bunker Hill High School, works as much as Subway will allow her, and is a member of the National Honor Society. She'll always have my heart.

Elizabeth Lachner is at a track meet today. Don't ever tell her she can't do something. She grew up wanting to do all her sister has. She is a good athlete, running track, playing softball, basketball, and volleyball, playing in band, and still has time to give her dad a hug. She is the giver in our family.

My own mom, Fay Hagler, was the first to love me. She was the one who clothed me, bathed me, and fed me, when I was little. We haven't always seen eye-to-eye, but she still surprises me once in a while with a phone call, just to say hi. I wish we weren't so far from each other (she's in Florida, I'm in Illinois).

My mother-in-law, Marilu King, has been such an example of strength. She has battled cancer not once, but 3 times, and has kicked it to the curb each time. Thru it all, she has worried about her family over her own concerns, and maintained that look of just stepping out of the boutique about her.


My step-mom, Esther Elaine Lachner, I miss her so much. When I first met her and her kids, I liked the novelty of more family, and always did like the kids, on my terms (Timothy Boyer, Rodney Boyer & Tammy K Boyer Franklin you know its true). Over the years, we had our disagreements, but she was the one who stood in the gap, making our family get together when we didn't want to see each other. She did small things. We loved going to yard sales when I was a teenager and in my early 20s, and going out to eat. I miss her.

If you have women in your life you miss, or can't do without, take time to tell them. This weekend, Mother's Day weekend, is the perfect time to show your appreciation for what they mean to you.

Give Thanks - Praise Him In The Storms

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

Today is a day of thanksgiving for all Americans. Just like many, I have a great family, love my girls and wife, have a decent job, and love where I live. My church home is fantastic, and the number of friends I have is ever growing. We celebrated as family today. However, through all the good things I have been blessed with, this has been one of the most trying years of my life.

November 18, 2014, my mother in law was rushed to the ER, after complaining of pain in her abdomen. It was soon found that she had polyps, which turned out to be uterine cancer. December 16, she had her gall bladder, lymph nodes, and a total hysterectomy performed. December 30 the pathology reports were returned and her cancer is a stage 2 uterine cancer. She will be going through chemo and 3 rounds of Chemo and maybe 6 weeks of radiation therapy.

January 17, Marilu had a port put in and had her first round of chemotherapy today, at Barnes-Jewish Hospital. She had a reaction to the Taxol, and the doctor had to administer epinephrine. They put her on another drug, which worked fine, with no side issues.

This was my Facebook entry on February 9th:

February 9, 2015 - This brave woman continues to smile. She endured hours of chemo today, and tomorrow she starts 30 days of radiation therapy. It makes me proud to know her.

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

March 27, she had her last radiation treatment. April 6, she had her last chemo, so she is now a bell ringer. Blood transfusion tomorrow. She’s a fighter, and I’m proud to be her fav son-in-law. 

 

As a side note, Sarah had arthoscopic surgery, for a torn meniscus, on April 16, and came through with flying colors.

May 5, 2015 - (Kim's entry) Today is my mom's last day of radiation. Yesterday, she had a ct scan that was clear of any cancer. We have been so blessed...we celebrated with lunch at Olive Garden and frozen custard at Bobby's. Through this battle I am amazed that going over to Barnes at the break of dawn has brought us closer. It is true that you find out who really cares when you go through a crisis.

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

May 6th, Kim fell at CVS, and hit her head on a concrete parking barrier. She was taken, by ambulance, to the ER. The good news is that they found no concussion, but she hurts constantly, and has muscle spasms.

The hits keep coming: May 19, after continued headaches, slurred speech, and balance issues, Kim took Marilu to Barnes, for more tests. She is soon admitted, after finding another tumor, this one on her brain, the size of a small egg.

May 22 - Its my birthday, but at Barnes Hospital, Marilu is undergoing surgery to have the mass removed from her brain. But, after surgery, Marilu remembers to have Kim wish me "Happy Birthday". On June 16, she saw the brain specialist and oncologist. At this point, my mother in law had endured 4 rounds of chemo and 42 radiation treatments.

July 4, we celebrated another anniversary of our Country's independence. Just 24 hours later, my sister in law, Melissa King, admitted she needed help. It was a cry out that we realized, as we battled more demons in her life, a dependence and situation she couldn't battle alone.

July 21, 2015 - Marilu again celebrated, by ringing the bell, signalling the end of treatment for this round of cancer.

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

On August 8, we were called early by Kim's dad. During the previous night, Melissa was rushed to the hospital, due to an overdose. Her demons finally won out, as she died that day. We were crushed, as we came to the realization that we would never see her again, this side of Eternity. Lissa, we miss you.

Melissa Ann King, 42, of Brighton, died at 12:03 p.m. on Saturday, August 8, 2015, at Alton Memorial Hospital. Cremation shall take place and no services are scheduled at this time.

September 8, my stepmom, Elaine Lachner, was admitted to Alton Memorial, due to a lost of blood, and coughing up some. Just 24 hours later, Kim's dad, Ken King, was cleaning windows in his garage, while standing on a ladder. He slipped and fell, and was transported to Barnes Hospital, with 2 broken ribs, a broken collar bone, stitches on his elbow, and damage to one of his thumbs.

September 10, Elaine appeared to be stabilizing. We thought that the toughness she exuded all those times before would win out. We held out hope, prayers were said, but after a long night of some laughter and tears, we gathered around as she gave her last breath.

Esther E. Lachner, 67, passed away at 11:42am on Friday, September 11, 2015, at Alton Memorial Hospital.

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

Yet, in the midst of all this, bright lights emerged.

September 24, 2015:Today both of my girls participated in CU@ThePole. Kim Lachner and I have never forced religion of any kind on them. But it makes my heart swell when I realize that maybe we did this right, in spite of arguments, harsh words, and many tears over them. I love Sarah Lachner and Elizabeth Lachner.

We have celebrated birthdays, graduations, and even a few anniversaries. It has been a long year, and one might question if we still had that faith to sustain us as a family, on both sides. Through it all, we have cried, hugged, and shared memories. We are still family, and are grateful to have shared the time we have.

My father admits to talking to Elaine, even though she isn't there, and still has moments of weeping. My father in law is still feeling the effects of his fall, and may have surgery still, to correct some issues. My mother in law remains so strong. She has been given a clean bill of health, and is getting stronger every day. We grieve, yet, we continue to make it thru each day, with knowledge that we have each other.

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I thank you all for kindness, love, support, and prayers. Even more I thank my God.

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Before You Were Born

I have been dwelling on topics for blogs lately. It has been a long time since I posted on this blog site. Yesterday I was talking to a good friend, thinking about the birth of my daughter, Sarah, over 11 years ago.

I realized the other night what this love that Jesus has for us is like. I thought to the time my wife carried Sarah. I used to talk to her in my wife's belly, sing to her, and massage her. Sarah used to respond to me. She jumped and moved when she heard my voice. I realize now I loved her before she was born. I didn't know, or care what she looked like, sounded like, or even if she was 'imperfect'. I loved her.

In that same way Jesus loved us. He knows the numbers of hair on our head, and the days of our lives. He loved us from the beginning. That is what I love about Jesus. Despite our imperfections, our blemishes, our future mistakes, He loved us before we were born.

March 2010

Rick

Bad Things Happen

Last night my lovely wife and I watched "The Green Mile" with Tom Hanks as a guard who watched convicts on Death Row. The guards called this last walk "The Green Mile".
As the movie progressed we were introduced to several of the condemned. A new arrival, played by Michael Clarke Duncan, appears to be guilty of a heinous crime. For this he is to be executed.

He is the central figure in the movie, told through the eyes of Hank's character. Clarke is introduced in a flashback. He is leaning against a log with two lifeless bodies, crying out "I got them too late. It was too late."
We discover that John Coffey ("just like the drink but spelled different.") has a special power.
In a cataclysmic ending Hanks character discovers the truth behind Coffey's conviction.
Coffey explains that he sees all the evil thoughts of the world. The only way to end this "gift" is to sacrifice his life. This reminds me of another who willingly gave his life.

While it is hard to comprehend the entire salvation experience, Christ is the sacrificial lamb who gave his life for us. As we prepare to celebrate the Easter holiday, remember what was given so that you can have eternal life, not in torment, but in heaven.
We are given choices daily - good or bad, hot or cold, even safe or living on the edge. How we respond to each determines our journey. The same is relative to where we spend eternity. Please take time to dwell on this simple blog. We are here on earth just mere decades. You can't afford to take the chance that life ends when your last breath is taken.